Efforts

May17

A series of efforts today to try and stave off the menacing grey. It’s like a fog that has weight, the grey that steals over me sometimes. Instead of weighing me down from the outside like something real, it seeps into my limbs and deadens my fingers and makes everything ache.

It’s not depression. I’ve been depressed before, I know how it feels. Or maybe it is depression but I don’t buy into brain chemistry and the need for drugs. The medication doesn’t prevent these episodes, so it’s not the answer. Fighting it is the answer. If only it wasn’t so tiring.

So, efforts. Paying bills, sweeping the floors, doing even just one, exhausting load of laundry. Sticking to a promise to cook healthy meals at home instead of constantly ordering out – even tonight. Even tonight when it was so hard to drag myself to the kitchen and stand over the stove. Perhaps especially tonight. Handmade turkey burgers with guacamole and Monterey Jack cheese with a side of triumphant exhaustion!

Take that, $%@#$ greyness.

Filed under Life Is Just So... Daily

Comments are closed.

  • Project Timekeeper Box:
    Making (painting and setting up) my very own Big Box of ADHD for a fun way to manage my own time and projects! I've bought a box with 9 drawers to use.



I’m here because I’m lonely. I’m here because people who are lonely in the same way I am lonely have a very hard time finding each other. .

Being hearing impaired / deaf is lonely.
Having bipolar disorder is lonely.
Being an undergraduate student in your mid-thirties is lonely.
Being a Biblical Studies major is lonely.
Being infertile is lonely.

And even though it shouldn’t be, being desperately in love with God is sometimes the loneliest feeling there is.

So there it is. I’m dropping any attempt to be slick or intellectual or one of the cool kids. I’m just here to share the things I struggle with, the things I’m trying to understand and the things I am learning.