Twiddling My Thumbs

May23

The whole point of this blog was share my life as a thirtysomething Biblical Studies major at Trin*ity We$tern University, my tottering steps as I walk with God, and the things that matter to me and happen to me, and some of the things I think about.

The problem is, I took a semester off from school to recoup after the loss of a pregnancy that we’d waited eight years for, and the loss of my Nana in the same week. I thought I would write more about my grief, but it’s been too hard to expose most of those thoughts and feelings. In the nature of my totem animal, the rabbit, my instinct is to sit very still and hope I remain unnoticed by my predators.

Without school to write about, and with very little happening in my life besides my obsession with all things TTC and healing my poor broken heart, I fear this blog has gotten off to a fairly boring and pointless start.

God has blessed me tremendously with the opportunity to take a summer course at TWU which begins on Monday. Instead of writing about it or even thinking about it, I’m allowing myself to be endlessly distracted by a parade of things that honestly have nothing to do with anything.

I’m not sure if I’m depressed, or…

…relaxed.

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I’m here because I’m lonely. I’m here because people who are lonely in the same way I am lonely have a very hard time finding each other. .

Being hearing impaired / deaf is lonely.
Having bipolar disorder is lonely.
Being an undergraduate student in your mid-thirties is lonely.
Being a Biblical Studies major is lonely.
Being infertile is lonely.

And even though it shouldn’t be, being desperately in love with God is sometimes the loneliest feeling there is.

So there it is. I’m dropping any attempt to be slick or intellectual or one of the cool kids. I’m just here to share the things I struggle with, the things I’m trying to understand and the things I am learning.